Frighted people of majority European ancestry...we are not out to eliminate you, or your healthy values. We are out to eliminate any and all aspects of supremacist society. At least those of us who have sense. There are those in the world who just want to slap a different color face on the monster of supremacy, and to them I say:
Please explain to me how society is ever supposed to inch closer to that utopia where we stop destroying everyone and everything in our individual (or collective) egotistical path to getting what we want, by having one group be superior to the other? To those out for supremacy, or who have adopted this stance in order to create a (largely ineffective) band-aid to place over the wounds you have experienced in life due to oppression:
Are you fighting your battle for you and those you approve of, or are you fighting your battle for the sake of mankind? Because like it or not, we do live in an integrated society on this planet...the problem is, some people won't wake up to that fact, and keep their minds closed. Which keeps the door open for all sorts of stupid behavior. So oppression will continue, but I guess in the mindset of the supremacist who isn't white, that's okay, because the oppression is no longer aimed at you.
How can you not see the hypocrisy of this? Or can you, and you just don't care?
I want a world of equality. I want a world where I can walk among people different from me and learn from them because that shit is cool. I want a world where I can taste different foods, learn different languages, find out how people worship God (or why they do not), how they express love (romantic or otherwise) and all of this be okay, not just for me, but for everyone around me. I want my world to be a great big multicultural bazaar, and I will have some semblance of that before I die. Please don't get in my way, I will hurt your feelings.
Imagine how peaceful it would be, if people stopped hiding behind their fears of what is different. Imagine how colorful, how interesting! That is the world I want for my offspring. And it sometimes seems to be so farfetched, it's almost science fiction. My only consolation in this is that science fiction at times predicts the future. And I've seen artistic propositions of what this utopia is, so I know it's within the minds of humankind to achieve it. All of the world's ills can be boiled down to fear, ignorance and greed. I dream of a day when these things are just antiquated words in the dictionary, things we pull up online (or whatever we use as the internet in that future time) to chuckle at, because the concept behind the word has no place in a modern society.
Usually, the people who go on about being politically correct the most, are white people. There are POC who do it, but they're often folks who haven't taken the time to learn about where stereotypes come from. I'm going to tell you now, if you are awake, you are politically correct. Because you see the larger picture, instead of just what benefits you. The current social climate in America is kind of like a two-flavor soft swirl, of those who are seeing that the way we've done things as a nation for so long is just not appropriate...and those who are too emotionally fragile to take that long, hard look in the mirror and perhaps not like what they see.
I've offended some of my white friends by talking about the issues I spell out on this blog. I created this blog to have a safe place from them. And this is sad, because if they were truly my friends, they would have enough strength to be able to listen to what I am saying, and understand that my experience has just as much value as theirs does. Amazing the friendships that aren't real, in that they cannot survive ideological differences. Amazing, that someone's offense at hearing about oppression is greater than someone's offense at experiencing it.
My good friend Lady Quiet Storm (I use a non de plume for her protection) asked me why I was so gentle with a friend the other week, who showed her fragility (but later retracted her statements). If I don't know you, and I catch you being ignorant, I will come down hard. Apparently those years of writing my mother letters in order to express myself (because you can't argue with or physically injure a letter) has honed the ability to wield a literary katana of sorts. Because I will cut your stupid off of you. It's not my problem if it grows back, I just can't see that shit and be quiet about it. My purpose in this life is to root for the underdog, and even off this blog, I am advocating for those whose pain goes unseen. Hell, I may write other blogs. According to what is considered acceptable in American society, I am several ways a statistic. A woman of color, disabled, poor....labels pressed upon me by a society controlled by a small group of rich, white, neurotypical, cisgender (usually) straight males who are Christian. The arrogance of these people is astounding. They have no real resistance to their identities, and as such, cannot easily understand what it's like to live a life that doesn't slide through time, like a hot knife through butter. They can't fathom a less-than-traditional life (according to their traditions, of course). I have a hard time getting along with such folk, and we just kind of share space from time to time.
However...
If I have come to know you in some fashion, I will take the time to explain things to you more gently. I readily admit to my own hypocrisy in the areas of tribal mentality and confirmation bias. Albino Fly is not perfect. However, Albino Fly is awake to the more primitive reasons behind human behavior, and I am human, so some of this applies to me as well. I was raised under a LOT of negative labels, race being the one that lagged last. I used to be one of those people who would probably say that race didn't matter, except to speak on all my brothers and sisters of color, who made my light skin an issue. I used to be followed by people who asked each other what I was, like fair skin meant I was a different species. I've been bullied by other black people for having light skin. It's a running joke among half my family that I am white. Besides that, I've been considered to be stupid, lazy, of little worth, good for nothing, and unlikely to amount to anything, as well as a whore, because some fusty old man couldn't keep his hands to himself (and my virtue was apparently worth less than what he had in the bank).
Maybe it's the traces of low self-esteem, I dunno, but I have this theory that it takes effort to love me. I'm not an easy person to deal with. I am demanding, haughty at times, the fact that I am usually right is something I wear as an armor against the enemies in my back yard. I'm antisocial, and in a state of perpetual resting bitchface. If you can get through that, you have to have some good attributes to your character. No, seriously.
So, I try to work with those who can see the side of me that stays hidden most days; the vulnerability, the never ending fatigue. The depression, and suicidal demon that still stalks me when things get really dark in my life. For those who see through my ever-present wall to what I'm actually feeling...I want to try to understand you, like you've understood me...even if I feel, or even have proof that your POV is wrong. For caring for me, I owe you that. I may not have much that makes me attractive in American society, as far as possessions and whatnot, but I do have integrity. I do have a code, and that to me, is my greatest jewel in life. The ability to still start out on the path of getting to know someone, treating them how I would like to be treated, whether or not my efforts are reciprocated. If my decency is met with shoddy behavior, at least I can be proud of how I carried myself. Yet I will not get caught up in trying to lay a blanket over every person on this planet. There's just too many of you, and most of you would kick it off anyway.
I have theories on the presence of white fragility among otherwise good people. Many of them are echoed in this eloquently penned article that I linked to. I know a lot of people who have done some serious good in this world, who are unnerved by the thought that any of their actions could be seen as insensitive or even racist. Many otherwise good people hide behind the word "unintentional," as if this excuses their lack of awareness. Of course many of them have friends of color, they may have a parent who is not white...but their appearance has been accepted by society for so long, that it's hard to see what perhaps their mothers or fathers went through. Maybe these pains were hidden from them. A generation ago, people were less open in this country about the emotional struggles they had. However, a generation ago, it was much more prevalent, behaviors that supported the belief that people who weren't white were inferior. Some people are resting on their laurels because we can all drink from the same water fountains, and yet they share bloodlines with people who are upset due to this very same thing...theoretically....and yet the former group of people often don't call out the latter group, for whatever reason.
But they're surprised that racism is still an issue. This is why.
To me, white fragility is having the knowledge that wearing a white hood, burning crosses or giving the Nazi salute is wrong, but you just cringe or mutter under your breath when a relative talks negatively about an entire group of people, because they are not white. Instead of calling them out for the sake of these people you love, instead of providing logical arguments to refute the beliefs and behaviors of this person (or at least try to crack the armor of bigotry), you keep silent. Outside of them being violent towards you, I can't see any good reason not to stand up for these friends and associates you claim to care about. If the theory of there being but six degrees of separation between any two people on earth is correct, then your backwards relative is affecting the life, if only indirectly, of a person of color you claim to care about.
How much money do you want to bet, that it's not in a good way? You can't fall back on the thought that they're crazy, and no one will listen to them. Someone is listening...bet on that. And it has a ripple effect. Granted, calling such a person out may make things worse, but I am the eternal optimist that believes you might actually get this person to think just a little...improving their life (by them not being such an asshat) and the lives of those they come in contact with. Any progressive worth their salt would, and should do this.
White fragility is when you have to go and state the obvious, that not all white people are racist, when the subject of white supremacy comes up. It's when you feel compelled to step into the role of psuedo-therapist, giving what you think are benign instructions about self-esteem, when you have no idea what it's like to live in a society that has painted a negative image of your culture (not your gender, for those women who take offense to this) from the jump. It's when you can't grow the thick skin you're telling others to grow, and just listen to what they're saying, because the guilt you swear you don't have is bubbling to the surface. It's when you take your ball and go home, to the safety of other white people and complain that you feel invalidated while sitting at the table of discussion on this topic, because ultimately black people aren't letting you tell them how to feel about something you haven't experienced. White fragility is when you see all these news articles shared by your friends of color that you refuse to share, because you don't want that scrolling through the side bar of your other white friends, with your name attached to the sharing. White fragility is when you can't say Black Lives Matter, and instead dilute the struggle of black people down by saying all lives matter...when you can clearly see this isn't true, if you would look.
White fragility is rooted in white supremacy, no matter how good your intentions might be. It is rooted in a system that places your worldview, feelings, appearance and needs above those who are not white. If you are white, can you look past your personal feelings and actually do some research on this? And look through several sources, not just those that support your confirmation bias?
Because more and more white people are becoming advocates for racial justice in a VERY LOUD way. They don't care who gets offended among their friends and family, they realize that the lives lost and ruined are more important than their social standing. They are among today's Freedom Riders, and they're proud to be so. And some of them don't have the most flattering things to say about those people in their communities who swear to be so progressive and tolerant...until they no longer have control over the subject matter being discussed.
Are you fragile? Guess what? We all are...but it's not until we actually face this that we can repair the cracks and truly be strong.
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