So today this happened...(and it's nothing new)

On my personal Facebook page, I posted the following link.

I've kind of grown tired of worrying about the feelings of cyber friends, when said friends (and some in real life) just can't get past their own entitlement to consider the situations and events that would create what this beautiful, intelligent woman has to say. The things I'm seeing from my remote corner of Whitopia are really beginning to disturb me. Maybe it's because I feel kind of far removed from it at times. A kind of survivor's guilt, but not really, because on the last teacher's break a local gun nut organization was teaching teachers how to shoot and giving them concealed carry licenses. If it's legal for a teacher to pack heat in this state, YOU KNOW Bubba Cliff is packing too...waiting for someone to trigger his already over-fueled paranoia about the end times and Obama being the antichrist. So I'm safely hidden within this sitcom-imitating wonderland, but only so long as I stay with someone I know, who is respected within this community. I will not be stepping out around here alone.

The average day for me is spent at home, trying not to stress my joints any more than they already are when I wake up each day, doing things with my intended, and still marveling at the view of the land around me. I sit outside and enjoy the autumn chill in the air, and find that I actually like the smell of cow manure. What has happened to meeeeee? My mother laughs at me, because I guess she wanted to put me in Girl Scouts as a kid, and I said "eew....bugs." Mama, I'm a changed woman. One day I will teach you to swim and ride a horse (gotta learn the latter first), and I promise these aren't invitations with the intent to kill you.

It was to be expected that two of my FB friends, one liberal and one not so much (both white), would read this article and just boil it down to this woman (and others like her, me included) needing to just grow a thicker skin. Because if they're feeling bad, it's due to something internal. New Age, kumbayah, Eat, Pray, Love and everything will come right. (That's an awesome book, by the way.) And since their worldview is the predominant one that shapes perceptions in this society, the problems the lovely author of the article above have, in tandem with myself and many other women of color can be solved by just having better self-esteem.

I'm just not gonna even get mad. Because it's not worth my time, energy, or impending second stroke. It's just not.

My well meaning, yet ultimately clueless friend responded as such: "Everyone is much happier when they don't look to others to decide their self worth. If people wait for validation from others they will always be disappointed...."

I had to go and put that in a nice shade of mauve, a nod to her ineffective feminism. I'm beginning to see why many women of color are just not on board with the feminist movement. Time and time again we see feminist white women get up in arms when a black woman tells the truth about the double whammy we face in Western society.

It's like they just can't accept that for once it's not about their corner of this fight. OF COURSE we know that women are still disrespected, under valued and abused in today's society. We know this. It's going on all across the planet. But for female descendants of the culture that literally tried to enslave and/or exploit every non-European country on this planet to take it upon themselves to dictate how women of color should feel about their experiences...this is some bullshit.

My response below, in red, because I kind of saw that when I read their well-meaning but utterly mystifying responses:

"I will remain like this female, until the things she has experienced are not even considered anymore. It goes past having a strong emotional defense. We're already perceived as having that, to the point where vulnerabilities are almost taboo. It's not our perceptions that need to change, but the oft misguided and damaging perceptions of us...both within and outside of our cultural communities.

Yes, I finally developed some grit and a thick skin. But it still bothers me when strangers follow me in stores, who don't work there, because they perceive that I'm a thief. Since they are not employees (as if this makes it better), they are not constrained by company protocol. And in our increasingly gun nut culture, they could be packing. This is frightening, my friends. And it's happened several times in the past three months alone. Literally, every aisle I'm in, they're in. Everywhere I go, they go...glares intact. Until I leave the store, then the browsing resumes. I kid you not."

Like, what part of my experiences are not real to you? Am I lying? Mind you, they did not "like" my comment. Or the other one I made with regards to this. In another lovely color below, because I like playing with font colors on blogs. Sue me. 

"But it goes farther than just tuning people out. I agree with what you say to the extent that I just don't care who likes or approves of me now. I shock myself sometimes, when I realize that I no longer walk with head bowed. BUT...

Remembering how I was turns my heart to those who aren't where I am, and I hurt for them. I rage for them. I grieve for them. In a society where your very person has never been a true and lasting positive standard, many are suffering. This needs to change." Marigold is a lovely color, by the way...would be a nice color for a kitchen. All sunny and shit, while I'm in there cooking at the buttcrack of dawn....who am I kidding? You live with me? You eat when Her Majesty gets her ass up to feed you, or you use the microwave. 

Okay, back on topic.  

And the comments on articles like the first one I linked to...I really need to stop reading the comments. They slay me. Like, all the fucking time. They slay me so much I'm surprised I'm not on The Walking Dead. I'ma put this bish's comments in green, because I got green around the gills reading her whine condensed into a paragraph. I'm gonna put her words in bold too, because it's obvious this person suffers from a kind of atypical Napoleon complex, in that her little world was just utterly shattered into perpetual dystopia, because someone didn't validate her every whim in her life which literally is the standard by which everyone else of the gender is expected to abide. I'm gonna italicize it, and underline it too. Because she needs attention. There, that's about all I can give you, heifer. For reals.


"As a white girl, I can write the same blog. Because in 3rd grade I was told I was smart for a girl. Because in 5th grade I was poor white trash that won't make it. Because in 7th grade I was called "micro" and shunned due to my microscopic breasts that hasn't grown like other girls. Because in high school I was told by my boyfriend I can't really have a career so I should learn how to be good in bed instead. Because in my first job I was called "honey" "babes" and "dear" while my male co workers were Mr. Whoever. Because as a waitress I was told to let men grab what they need to, it helps beer sales. And because ultimately, as a young adult, I was told to shut up and lay still since that's my job as a woman. Seriously. Black, white, Asian... Whatever. EVERYONE can have a right to be angry. I'm tired of race being thrown out to trump everyone else's pain in life." 

People like this just make me laugh. I mean, she actually thinks that someone else's experience needs to not be told, because she didn't get what she wanted at different intervals in her life. Classic feminism, that has no knowledge of the complexities of what it means to be female and anything other than white. These women are still theoretically fighting for the right to vote, lost in the idea that theirs is the only cause worth fighting for. And from what I could see of her FB profile, she's done just fine, so why the hell is she complaining? Society largely accepts her. There are men who will accept her accomplishments, who will not do the same for the black woman. Seriously chick, if it's that crucial, get your own blog, write your own articles. There are plenty of pasty, outraged females like you, who will eat your words up. You can even monetize it. Why are you wasting your words on the comments section of an article written by a woman with better skills with regards to literary expression than you have? I mean, really? Black women go through all this and more, and our stories are often held in more suspicion than yours, simply because we are black. If you spent less time trying to win the Existential Pissing Contest, and more time trying to understand your sisters in this fight, you might gain more allies.

Lady, do you need a cookie?

As of late, FB has kind of become a social experiment for me. Not that it hasn't been for it's creator, or even others who may be writing dissertations on this site that millions of people waste too much fucking time on each day. I have noticed a pattern when I post "provocative" (translate:truthful) articles about the black experience, few of my white friends can even venture a like. I guess because folks often have their likes and comments traveling through the newsfeeds of others, the experiences of people of color are not worth the scrutiny they will get from backwards relatives, who might trace said like back to them. I guess being socially progressive on all fronts is just not fashionable in today's America. Seriously. They post tons about cats, whales, pygmy marmosets, Jesus (or how they don't believe in him), Cecil the Lion, Michael Vick and whatever seemingly colorblind issue catches their fancy that day. They say they don't see race, because it hasn't been shoved in their face every day of their lives. If they do give it attention, it's to try to invalidate what is being said, because their experience and point of view matters. More.  Any kickback leads to them going on their personal pages and whining about how persecuted they are as white people, because in trying to tell black people how to feel about situations they (black people) face daily, the predictable somewhat hostile response causes them to feel "attacked" as white people. 

Perhaps if you didn't try to invalidate our experiences left and right because you can't deal with your sense of cultural fragility, we wouldn't respond the way we do. We do not owe you a certain set of feelings, in order for you to be comfortable. How about you do what you tell us to do, and grow a thicker skin? Not to mention, if you call yourselves harbingers of a more tolerant society, you owe us a listening ear, an open heart and a willingness to go back into your communities with what you have learned. 

I ain't got nothing else to say on this subject. Kindle unlimited is calling my name, and I have Mommy Pride videos to email to folks about how wonderful my son is doing. 

Until something else pisses me off. Toodles.